la porchetta - bendigo (you don't want the address)

we didn't like the look of the surly chick hogging the open fire when we walked in, but when we found out she was in charge of the place, things got a whole lot worse. at la porchetta bendigo, you'd better get used to freezing your arse off while the manager warms hers. and try cajoling the waitress to let you split a table of 8 into a table of 4 when the place is so empty you could hear crickets if it wasn't for the speakers blasting adhd-fm. it also helps if you've had some hospitality training so you can be on hand to rearrange things when the next group of chunky patrons try to squeeze into the table behind you, cos you won't find any staff to do it.

the food was quick, but crappy. gourmet pizza with marinated tuna sounded good, but i could have opened the tin of homebrand flavoured tuna and spread it on myself, and probably remembered to drain the oil off first. our junior reviewer reported that the tortellini was ok, but hey, she'd already put a bucket of parmesan on it, bless her.

when we could take no more, we sculled the cascades (can't screw those up) and waited long enough at the unattended cash register to listen to 10 or so of our favourite radio ads. the only good thing to be said about la porchetta is that they can't add so we got our drinks for free. but you know, it just wasn't worth it. so next time you're trying to fit in a quick pizza at la porchetta bendigo before a 6pm movie, don't.

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