cafe goa - 92d acland street st kilda 3182 9534 5742

i've liked cafe goa since, well, for a long time. they have a chicken dish that is so hot they will try to persuade you not to order it. hmmm, that's a new strategy for restaurants. i don't like to be told what to do so i ordered it anyway. more than once. i have never eaten anything that made me cry before. this one did. imagine you have a large bowl of crushed, super-hot chillies. you throw some chicken and potatoes into the bowl, cook it and serve. it could replace paint stripper. it took me about five minutes to be able to breathe again normally and about twenty minutes to feel my mouth again. i had to drink about three cold beers in a row. but don't let me dissuade you from trying it. knock yourself out. idiot.

now if you are having a hard time getting it up, you can always order spotted shark dick. i'm not sure if you eat it or what but even if it did work, would you have the guts to order it? 'yeah, i'd like the shark dick. love that taste'. you ladies aren't left out either. there's some frog dish that's supposed to get your engine running if it's a bit sluggish or jammed. i know. i have a way with words.

the last time i was there, i stuck with the vegetarian dishes. potatoes and spinach curry, fresh spicy vegetables, and fresh roti bread not dripping with oil for a change. you can bring your own wine or have a beer or wine there. what more could you want?

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