the grand hotel - 335 burnley sreet richmond 3121 03 9429 2530

we're calling the grand our flood refuge, our island in the storm, our oasis, our le grande ile. going home one evening with traffic in all directions, i cracked the shits and parked near the grand. the plan was to wait until the traffic had died down and the road rage victims had been cleared away.

the bathroom has a single, we have to call it, throne with brown walls, fresh flowers and a huge wicker (warning!) basket of spare toilet rolls. what this says to me is - 1. they think this place is too small to ever need two toilets at the one time, 2. i have very gay friends who helped set up the bathroom, and 3. if i ever have the runs, i can be sure that there is sufficient bog roll to mop up the flood. very reassuring.

the reason the bathroom is the way it is could be because of the french. coincidentally the grand is run by a very french man, complete with french wit and french accent but most importantly, french service. and ironically, the food was very italian. we had a fish thing and a pasta thing with wine and coffee in the bar. it's is a wonderful restaurant with great staff, great food and great service. the bathroom was just pretty fucking entertaining.

one other interesting point is that although the restaurant has very fancy linen table cloths, fine wines and very good service, through a door to the adjoining bar, students were sucking down vbs and playing pool. wonderful juxtaposition. well worth a visit, book before you go or you'll be on the clock to finish your dinner before guests, who had the foresight to reserve, arrive. foresight...who has that? i liked this place. it was an island in a sea of distress.