fisherman's wharf - 70 the esplanade paynesville 3880 5156 0366

if you ever find yourself in this neck of the woods, be afraid. be very afraid. rich men with rich women dragging snot-nosed rich kids around so they can take the powerboat across 100 metres of water to their favourite eatery. it's not as bad as that. they're not all rich, just wish they were. fisherman's wharf is poised on the bank of the stretch of water between the main land and raymond island. a ferry, costing about $15 will take you and your car across the choppy and perilous water (an arduous 90 second journey) so that you can sit with your sweater tied around your shoulders and drink wanky drinks.

far from being stuck up, fisherman's wharf seemed to be bright, easy-going, and family oriented. bright, it was. there were families there, too. the staff, however, ranged from 'not quite sure what day it is' to 'get out of may way! i've got food here for someone over there!!'. the madman running around looked like he had his boss breathing down his neck. we suspect that he was the boss which really means he should be in the kitchen or down the road at the pub, not serving at tables. that aside, we were able to get a couple of good beers (can you fuck up a beer? yes! see subterrain) before making the leap to champers.

i am a sucker for oysters. i suck them. they are really really hard to fuck up so they were ok. the fish cakes were a bit like balls of foam with a hint of fish. for the mains we had a piece of pan-fried grilled salmon. yes, that did say pan-fried grilled. we asked but never really understood the explanation. i reckon they fucked up the menu. oops, just make up something... the chicken was married (shotgun wedding) to a medley of apricots and rice and they were not happy. not happy, jan. don't know where that came from but a little advice - keep it simple fuckwit.

one more thing. madman wine selection - sparkling pinot. tasted like mud. don't drink it. walk away from him. don't smile. alright, we had a bit of a go at this place. it's miles from anywhere and they do a good job for where they are. food came a bit quickly and we waited about 45 minutes before we were offered coffee. there was no pressure to leave even after midnight and they were friendly. not too expensive but your choice is limited. it's better than a pizza or fish and chips at the local take-away. we liked it. really.

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