the long room 162-168 collins street melbourne

i'm not sure what i expected from long room. obviously i'm thinking it's a room and it's long. i speculated that they serve drinks of some sort and that there would be some sort of music. past that i was willing to go with the flow. the first thing that surprised me was the retail store front with door bitches to prevent people without collared shirts from getting in. i mean, we all know that when you wear a collar, you're a better class of person. in spite of the overwhelming evidence against my choice of clothing, i was permitted into the inner sanctum. i should have known better.

it is a bobby mcgees reincarnated crowd complete with feral after-work 'i need a fuck' party girls with the same hair, handbags and shoes. the guys are no better with wog-hair, questionable jewellery (who wears a gold ring earring in both ears in 2008?) and bad suits. our drink of the moment is the now infamous long island iced tea but despite repeated 'where's my drink' and 'where's my fucking drink', after 25 minutes, the liit was still intangible.

not willing to let this go, one of our number, lets call her 'dj', decided to get it sorted out. while the young barstaff were ready to help, 'baldy barman' spent his time defending his lousy service. and i think the rest of the bar staff think he's a total wanker, too. finally the bar manager intervened with help from another of our smooth talkers and we were awarded a free bottle of sparkling wine (not champagne, tho). baldy ignored us for the rest of the night but, like, who gives a fuck.

i don't know why you would want to bother with long room. so much potential, such crappy service and attitude. it's not like they opened last week are are just finding their feet. you have been warned.