e:fiftyfive - basement, 55 elizabeth street melbourne 9620 3899

this place just fucking rocks. i hesitate to say it, but this place might be my favouritest bar, ever. there's a lot of history here for me- shagging the bar boy in the toilets, meeting my (now ex) boyfriend, getting kicked out for being too drunk... all my favourite memories.

it's the staple meeting place. the place that you ring your friends and say "meet you in the city?" and they say "yeah, ok" and you both know that you'll be at e55. or at least i always knew what i meant, and my friends had to call me at 10 past with a "why the fuck aren't you under the clock?!" hey, it's around the corner a bit- tch!

ok, so enough about me and more about e55. it's a uni student's paradise- a basement full of old couches that anyone in their right mind would want to have sex on. none of these hard bloody futon couches that are folded up to make a couch... i'm talking about the real kind from back in the 70's that are so comfortable you sink in and never want to get up. they knew how to make couches back then. or so i've heard. makes it hard to get up when it's your round at the bar, though.

the decor is eclectic and funky and the whole place is lit entirely with tealight candles and computer screen glare. behind the bar are legless mannequins suspended upside down and painted in different themes. when i've been at e55 a few hours, i look at those mannequins and try to decide if it's me whose upside down or it's them... usually them, but there was this one time... (ok, ok, enough about me!) the art on the wall changes frequently and even if it didn't, i'm sure you'd find new things to look at in the art that already exists- the paintings have a "try and work out what the fuck i mean, but really i don't mean anything and i hope you've wasted half an hour trying to figure that out" feel to them.

did i mention that this place is an internet cafe as well as a bar? yup, step behind the shitty old venetians and discover a world of sleazy old men downloading pornography to their floppies... and you wonder why i love this place? there's also a wireless network so bring your laptop, sit with your back to the wall, and download some porn in private, direct to your hard... errr... disk... (yes, yes, that's right.)

it's been years since i went with the bar boy that used to work here... but the bar staff are still all cool. especially the really cute chick that pours a good g&t. (coz at least if they pour good g&ts i don't have to listen to him whinging for the rest of the night.) so, thanks honey, but can you work on layering the quick fucks for me?

there is nothing about e55 not to like. even the unisex toilets here are doing it for me, because the place is always full of some good talent. it's open from midday so you've no excuse not to check it out- and save me a seat, eh?