the gin palace - 190 little collins st melbourne 3000 9654 0533

what do you reckon they serve here? hint - their beer is really, really good. anyway, three types of people frequent this royal establishment. which one are you?

type one - the office wanker, i mean, office slave/whore/worker. he/she has spent the entire day under fluorescent lights staring at a screen which simultaneously bombards the brain with enough email to choke a camel and irradiates their testicles/ovaries so that any children they may have will suffer from attention deficit disorder and acute ugliness. they're the ones spilling gin down their charcoal armani/gucci suits while 'entertaining' their 'captive audience'. audience - too drunk to move, talk, breathe. they are invariably loud and crass and the topic of conversation is either the property market or football. a real gem.

type two - they must have come from the outer suburbs or they're on day release from an institution where they are held 'for their own safety'. entirely fuckless, they drink pink cocktails with names like 'tight brastrap' with a fruit tree hanging off the side of the glass. this place is the extent of their big night on the town. they will without a doubt drink themselves into oblivion, one step beyond off-their-tits, because that's what you do when you go out on the town. face down in the gutter at 11pm, mc donalds at 2, home to frankston by 5. it's a long way to come for exactly the same thing.

type three - arguably the best and brightest, is the sophisticated gin drinker. he/she is here because he/she knows that beefeaters doesn't lick the boots of bombay gin. they are here for the drinks and the entertainment - see type one and two above. but enough about us. the gins are pretty good, they do have sporadic table service which is good because the bar crowd can be three or four deep. and the bar staff are way too cool to actually pour drinks.

Add Comment