Tag Archives: italian

zia’s cafe – hawthorn

i don’t want to have a go at zia’s but i just can’t help it. it’s a family run restaurant so you can’t expect it to be too classy. and it’s just not. god help me i don’t know what i expected it to be. you know when something happens and you just look around in disbelief, just to see if you’re in noddyland. want an example? i ordered wine and they just put it on the table – not open, just a bottle on the table. so i tried it myself, assured myself that it was ok, and poured myself a glass. noddyland. Continue reading

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trunk – 275 exhibition street melbourne 9663 7994 (somewhere on exhibition, over there, a bit to your left)

i remember when trunk was just some chinese place. sure it was expensive (it’s on exhibition – what the fuck do you expect?). now, though, trunk has taken on a decidedly italian flavour to their chinese food. and there’s no more chinese food. craziest chinese restaurant i’ve ever been to. lets just say it’s italian and move on. Continue reading

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tjanabi – shop 3a federation square flinders street melbourne 9662 2177

red curved velour sofas and not a straight line in sight. if you’ve ever been to federation square you’ll know what i mean. the place is falling down, or at least seems to be in a permanent state of construction or deconstruction. some bloody architect probably decided that it was symbolic of the building of australia. i reckon it is symbolic of the architects struggle with reality. but i digress… Continue reading

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the pizza gallery – 1402 malvern road glen iris 9824 6855

there’s nothing like a shitload of traffic to open you up to the opportunity of experiencing new eateries. it works like this – i get shitty with the traffic, find the nearest restaurant that looks like the food won’t kill (at least for the next 48 hours) and that’s it really. pizza gallery (gallery, no less) was just one of those places. now usually, gallery means looky, no touchy, but pizza gallery thankfully allows the eating and drinking of the culinary art. Continue reading

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siblings – 601 burwood road hawthorn 9819 5555

remember the caramel cafe review? well siblings is around the corner, owned by the same people and it does a very nice dinner. ‘siblings’ because he waits and she cooks – and there are cute pictures of them on the wall. as the name implies, the atmosphere is warm, intimate and feels a bit like home. (so long as your home has tea light candles and ‘siblings’ printed on the table cloth.) Continue reading

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shanika’s italian trattoria – 315 stephensons road mount waverley 9888 3177

i know, i know. it’s in fucking mt waverley. be warned, ok? beware the burbs in all their glory! in fact run away if at all possible. keep your head low and talk to no-one.

we completely ignored the waitress trying to give us the specials. in the end she could have just pointed to the specials board on the wall and all the frustration could have been avoided. sadly she tried in vain to talk over us and paid the price. Continue reading

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ricardo’s trattoria – 99 dundas place albert park 9699 5536

i’ve got two words for you, ricardo’s: p r. anyone out there know anything about marketing? like a lamb dressed as mutton, you’d run screaming from ricardo’s unless you were cranky and starving, in which case it’s an ok looking mutton. their business card looks like someone’s three year old brought it home from kinder and it has been stuck on the fridge next to the electricity bill for six weeks. and the staff bear down on you as you step over the threshold with such speed and determination that the fight or flight response takes hold and customers either step back or take a kung fu stance. Continue reading

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msida – 791 glenferrie roadd hawthorn 9818 1232

lets see if i can remember how this goes…its been a long time since i wrote anything here. it probably should be prophetic or at least inspirational. sadly, neither. it’s just a review of a really good restaurant, the first new restaurant that i’ve been really impressed with for a long time. and it’s called msida (pronounced emm-seeda) and it’s in hawthorn on glenferrie road. now where’s that return key again, i’m so rusty on this typing reviews stuff… Continue reading

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la porchetta – bendigo (you don’t want the address)

we didn’t like the look of the surly chick hogging the open fire when we walked in, but when we found out she was in charge of the place, things got a whole lot worse. at la porchetta bendigo, you’d better get used to freezing your arse off while the manager warms hers. and try cajoling the waitress to let you split a table of 8 into a table of 4 when the place is so empty you could hear crickets if it wasn’t for the speakers blasting adhd-fm. it also helps if you’ve had some hospitality training so you can be on hand to rearrange things when the next group of chunky patrons try to squeeze into the table behind you, cos you won’t find any staff to do it. Continue reading

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l’olivo – 171 waverley road east malvern 9572 4487

i do like a restaurant, cafe, or indeed a bar, that has a closing time described as ‘late’. it’s like ‘mheh, if you’re here, we’re here’. no pressure. in fact i would have to list it up there with the breakfast-all-day. not in the same category of course, but it’s up there with the best. l’olivo was entirely unexpected but boy were we glad we chose it. Continue reading

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il fornaio panetteria and pasticceria – 2 acland street st kilda victoria 9534 2922

i really can’t find anything bad to say about il fornaio. by day, a panetteria and pasticceria (breads and cakes). by night, a low key, italian-inspired restaurant. and it’s all good.

hold the phone! now that doesn’t sound right! we tell it like it is and take no prisoners. fuck the establishment food-critics and all that. so whatup? well there are two main reasons for the previous sentence. Continue reading

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i carusi – 46a holmes street brunswick east 9386 5522

what does the name mean? who the hell knows! telstra and yellow pages sure don’t. after a few attempts to find the number i gave up and had to resort to an unnamed book that writes about these places, but not in a way that helps you unless you’re into {insert some poncy dish that they bang on about}. if you’re reading this telstra it’s bloody 9386 5522. don’t worry too much if you get a fax machine, just ring again until you get someone who can’t hear you over the noise. Continue reading

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dogs bar – 54 acland street st kilda 9525 3599

they have the biggest fucking business card i have ever seen! it’s really not that necessary. who needs more bloody people at dogs bar? it’s already packed to the fucking rafters on any given evening so what’s with the ads and the big ass business cards? not needed. tell the other bastards to go away! Continue reading

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davinci’s restaurant and cafe – 29 sturt street ballarat 5333 4114

firstly, don’t fucking go on about what we were doing in ballarat?! it’s not the culinary capital of anywhere so we were not expecting very much. let’s face it – there was a certain amount of desperation.

surprisingly, the pizza was bloody good. i say surprisingly because we melbournians can be an arrogant lot. we don’t give the mullet-heads and bogans a chance before we bag their restaurants and bars. da vincis serves up a very good pizza. there, i’ve said it. it pains me so. Continue reading

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cicciolina – 130 acland street st kilda 9525 3333

you may think you know the italian restaurant on acland street known as cicciolina (pronounced chi-chi-o-leena). and that reminds me. it’s pronounced brusketta not brushetta. try to remember that when you order it next. anyway, cicciolina is not just a well known italian restaurant. duck down the alley beside it and you find a back door to a little bar called – cicciolinas. crazy. now, while you might pay $25 for a main in the restaurant, nibbles in the bar start at just $6.50. and that’s fucking cheap. Continue reading

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cafe greco (no, my mistake, now it’s “greco european grill at crown”) – crown complex (i’m sure you know where it is) 9686 9733

once famous for being the home of bad smells and fart jokes, cafe greco has been renovated. i’m not exactly sure when the renovations occurred, but definitely since i was last there. whenever that was. the menu no longer has horiatikes patates on it, which is kind of a bitch, coz that was my favourite. Continue reading

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basilico – 180 bridport street albert park 9699 4288

i’ve heard about basilico (incidentally, the male form of the basilica) in albert park but i’ve never been there. it used to be a hardware store, owned by the greek family who own most of albert park. i can’t say that the hardware store was any good but basilico is pretty impressive when you walk in. Continue reading

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