squires loft south yarra – 166 toorak road south yarra 9824 0999

hey all you dead cow loving people, steaks aren’t half bad at squires loft. of course you don’t have anything else to compare it to because you can have anything as long as it used to walk on four legs and moo contentedly to itself. if you want a steak whether it be ‘fillet-so-small-i-can-herdly-see-you’ to a t-bone the size of a house cat, squires have it. no small selection of squashed grape drink to go with your steak. piss off you chardonnay sipping yuppies. grr.

vegetables? what? oh, small print, back of menu, ask quietly. you might try an apologetic look when you ask for veggies as well. now the meat is nothing on another melbourne cow emporium. if you want large men serving large bovine chunks on small plates, you should be at lazars. for a bit more refinement in beef eating, you can’t beat squires loft. can’t say if the city location compares as well as the south yarra branch because the bastards weren’t open on the monday night we had out-of-town company to impress.

women might find a little imposing the sight of tables of viking-like men with hairy chests swilling mead and downing great mouthfuls of cow (in some case most of the cow). the testosterone-meter needle is buried in the red zone and innocent virgins are likely to be dragged off by the hair to the caves.

prices are reasonable considering the amount of moo-flesh in a serve, we love the waiters and they love us because they ply us with an unending supply of fabulous bread. as long as you’re not a vegetable loving hippie this place has great food, great service and is a great place to eat.

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