Category Archives: restaurants

restaurant reviews, you know, places you can get food.

menya noodle shop 2 1 market street sydney 02 9267 4249

my ipad just tried to autocorrect menya to mental! ah, you clever little piece of aluminium and glass. trying to save me from myself. it happens a lot. but anyway, menya! synonymous for noodles or ramen in japanese (also donburi and gyoza). but mostly noodles! it’s not so easy to find in the city but it’s so worth the effort wandering around until we found it. again.
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kuki tanuki – 61 erskineville road erskineville 02 8084 7438

what a crazy name! kuki tanuki?! like silius sodus or bigus dikus. eh, it’s joke name, sir. at least it’s not hard to remember :). anyway, i digress. kuki tanuki is a little japanese restaurant in erskineville in sydney. tucked away in erskineville village (where i like to spend a lot of my time with the best company in the world!), it’s open from 5pm until late, 6 nights a week.
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movida sydney – 50 holt street (cnr gladstone street) surry hills +61 2 8964 7642

as good as movida in melbourne (yeah, never thought i’d say that), is movida sydney. same menu, same service, same ambiance. of course, we brought a bit of our own ambiance with us – i’m sure we pissed a number of people off with our kissing and touching but, well, screw you all.
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masu izakaya shop b1 35-39 liverpool street sydney 02 9261 3011

in a little town called sydney in a big country called straya, she searched. the prize? the best japanese food. the result? masu izakaya in the cbd. it’s only the best grill and sake bar we’ve ever found. actually, it’s probably best we don’t tell you how great it is because the next time we go there won’t be any room for us. yes, you should go to your substandard restaurants leaving masu’s place to us, fuck face.
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dr jekyll 107 grey street st kilda 3182 03 9525 5999

ham or bacon? bacon or ham? hmmmm, i just don’t know which to choose!! turns out either one is delicious. shaved ham cooked like bacon, shaved bacon cooked like, well, bacon. yum. just, yum. i had the eggs benny with ham (there was an option to have trout but i just couldn’t get my head around that) and my cohort had scrambled eggs with bacon. words fail me… i don’t remember chewing. i think it’s breakfast all day, too, so another feather in their cap for that one.
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newmarket inkerman street st kilda

i will literally kill for their delicious pork ribs. yes, yes, i know we should all be vegetarian because meat wastes too many resources that we don’t have, future generations, think of the children… but. pork ribs. pork. ribs. well, that’s all i got, really. why am i banging on about pork ribs? newmarket has them. slow cooked, in spicy sauce. where’s my gun?

and if pork ribs (seeing pending killing spree note warning above) were not enough, how about a slow roasted leg of lamb? or some spicy sliced chorizo with peppers? or fresh quesadillas? how about them indeed?! took about 15 minutes flat to polish the lot off. curse their deliciousnessess!
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izakaya jiro – 830 glenferrie road hawthorn 03 9818 7163

japanese food is just not meant to be ‘starter-followed-by-main-followed-by-dessert’. boring boring! it drives me nuts that so many cuisines change their menu to fit what they think we want. you do know the cow is still not eaten in india and the majority live on a mostly vegetarian diet, right? so why is there so much meat on an indian menu? it just makes no sense.
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parkers steakhouse geelong – 2 shorts place geelong 3220 5221 8485

tucked away, down a side street, in an old bluestone building (used to house a blacksmith) is parkers. i could smell it two streets away and i should have known. steak was calling me. i’m not a big meat eater but when i do eat meat, i has to be very good. imagine my surprise at discovering parkers in geelong. then i saw the sign outside – squires loft. i was home!! in the culinary wasteland that is geelong, there exists a diamond.
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squires loft tooronga village – podium level shop 1 766 toorak road glen Iris 3146 9822 8880

there’s another squires loft, you ask? indeed! the same steaky-steak, winey-wine, and choclatly-chocolate dessert. anyone who’s read my review of squires loft (pick one, any one) knows that, once in a while, i like a piece of very excellent steak. i know meat is not the best for the environment but i only have meat twice a week so i have thoroughly justified it to myself.

and then i moved to within walking distance of the tooronga squires loft. feet …turning …into …squires …loft …powerless… to …resist! and it’s on the podium level – i’ve done some podium level dancing but this is different :)
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yak bar and food – russell street (cnr flinders lane) melbourne 9654 6699

i like yak. i hate yak. i don’t fucking know. sometimes we go and it’s really good. bar staff actually serve you, you get your drinks within the hour, you can find places to sit. other times there are no seats, the ‘bar staff’ do another job entirely, drinks can be viewed behind the bar but not actually touched or tasted. ‘can we sit here’? ‘that table’s for six and you only have five’. asshole. Continue reading

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wine bank – 45 view street bendigo 5444 4655

it was a bank and now it sells wine. wine bank. crazy, huh? and how many bloody bank/bars use the fucking vault as a cellar? so original. of course, if they didn’t use it as a cellar i’d be moaning about why not. they can’t win.

but it’s not all bad news. while menu is not exactly el cheap eats, the people they employ can’t add and seem to have hearing problems. so the chances are you’ll get free food after asking for it at volume a number of times. woohoo! Continue reading

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the city wine shop – 159 spring street melbourne 9654 6657

why have i never been to the wine shop. or the european, for that matter. it’s a question i’m still asking myself with no good answer. the wine shop is directly under the supper club and beside the european restaurant. the same guy owns all three (lucky fucker) and has basically cornered the market in cool. in the spring street area, anyway. Continue reading

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zukini – 310 flinders lane melbourne 9620 1900

is this the coolest restaurant on flinders lane? it may well be. we almost didn’t make it because it was three blocks from our pre-dinner drinks and i was ready to go anywhere that had dead stuff on plates (although plates aren’t really necessary either) when you walk in they first directed us to the bar which is downstairs. no, my good man, we’re here to sample your finest victuals. our waiter seemed happy that we had come for the food and we were happy that he could get joy from us just being there. there’s love all around… Continue reading

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zia’s cafe – hawthorn

i don’t want to have a go at zia’s but i just can’t help it. it’s a family run restaurant so you can’t expect it to be too classy. and it’s just not. god help me i don’t know what i expected it to be. you know when something happens and you just look around in disbelief, just to see if you’re in noddyland. want an example? i ordered wine and they just put it on the table – not open, just a bottle on the table. so i tried it myself, assured myself that it was ok, and poured myself a glass. noddyland. Continue reading

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yuu 137 flinders lane (you’ll never find it) melbourne 03 9639 7073

i’m serious. you will never find it. every time i go looking for it, i have to wander up and down flinders lane a few times muttering to myself. i get stranger looks (stranger than i usually get) and sometime even a few coins out of sympathy. yes, i could write down the address and punch it into my iphone. yes, i could. i can’t think of any reason why i don’t. it would make the process of finding yuu much easier and make me look less like an asylum escapee. taking it on board, k? Continue reading

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young and jackson – flinders street melbourne

i never would have thought that a pub on the corner of flinders and swanston street would serve edible food. i mean, they’re next to mcdonalds and hungry jacks. you can meet the weirdo of your dreams. did i mention the picture of the naked chick upstairs? there’s a picture of a naked chick upstairs. there, i mentioned it. the naked chick is quite famous – but for some reason she has no body hair. who would have though that the brazilian was available in the 19th century. Continue reading

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